Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
