Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
