hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
