You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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