There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
