If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
