I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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