if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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