lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Welp...herpes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
