The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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