sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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