After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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