Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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