8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
