you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
