are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
