clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
