I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
