Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
