she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
