i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's shark week go big or go home
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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