how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
