I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
