i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
