just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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