you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
