I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
