I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dick very happy bro
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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