Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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