I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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