This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
