I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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