Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
