I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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