I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
