Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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