I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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