I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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