i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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