so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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