i think i have two assholes
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i think my cat just said my name.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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