my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
