Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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