Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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