I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
