Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
