You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
