Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
