6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
