I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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