One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
did i walk over a car last night?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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