Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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