the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
