The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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