successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How's work?
Spinning.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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