i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
