can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
