oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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