I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
