I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
