I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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