So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
