she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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